
When
writing "Twin Tales" everyone wrote some hints and advice
that they wish they'd had from day one. As you read through this
list you'll see we double up (and even treble) but rather than just
omit repeated advice we've left it in- perhaps it shows just how
useful it is. We hope it is of use to you.
Please
note- the advice given in this page is from mothers who have had
multiple births, we are not health professionals. If you are having
difficulties we recommend you contact your doctor or health visitor.
SANDRA
& DAVID
Take
all the help you can, especially when the babies are small. It helps
them get used to being with other people too, which helps when they
get a bit older.
Try
to be organised, but don't get too obsessed with it. Lots of things
that used to bother me don't anymore - it's just as well or I would
have flipped by now!
Get
out as much as you can. Its definitely harder staying in all day.
Its a treat to have a coffee and a chat with a friend whilst the
babies are sleeping in the pram.
Buy
things in the sales for the following year. It makes a difference
getting things half price when you're buying two - just remember
where you've stored them away for the following year or they're
not such a bargain after all!
PAMELA
When
choosing your pram, think about the width of it. There is nothing
more frustrating than trying to get through a doorway and realising
your pram doesn't fit! Many shops are not well suited to twin prams
so make sure you can move and turn your pram with ease.
HILDA
& DAVID
Having
twins has a lot more good points than bad so if you focus more on
the good points it will keep you sane and more able to cope.
I
also found that I had to get them to sleep at the same time, so
that while they were asleep I had my time, even if all I did was
catch up on things like ironing.
We
dress our twins the same because it is our choice, but it will be
their choice when they start deciding for themselves if they want
to dress different.
We
also found it easier to have two of most toys as nine times out
of ten they wanted the same thing at the same time. As they get
a bit older it is getting easier to have one bigger thing that they
can share because they are now able to understand about sharing
and having turns each.
EILEEN
& WILLIAM
Take
as much rest as you can when you are pregnant.
Don't
be frightened to ask for help, and accept all the help on offer.
Get
into a routine that suits you as soon as possible and keep to it.
Our bedtime routine slipped when I stopped giving them bottles and
now I have a terrible time getting my 3 year olds to bed at night.
Try
to avoid taking your babies into your bed- I know it is hard and
you will do anything for a sleep but I regret it because every night
we end up with 4 in our bed and no one gets a proper sleep.
Make
time for yourself and try to go out without the babies whenever
you get the chance.
I
got friendly with a girl I met at ante-natal classes who also had
twins and we have always kept in touch which is a great support
because she can appreciate the problems I have. Join a support group
if there is one near you.
Don't
spend a lot of money on expensive baby equipment. I spent nearly
£600 on a pram which I hardy ever used. If I were to do it
again I would buy 2nd hand, usually baby equipment is used far such
a short time that it is still in good condition.
The
best gifts I was given were bouncy chairs, they were a godsend.
I would carry them about the house when I was doing housework and
the babies were kept amused.
I
don't have any other children so I can't make any comparisons on
the difference between having one or more babies at the same time.
However I do know that it is very hard work but also very rewarding.
GOOD LUCK!
ELIZABETH
& DAVID
When
your babies are tiny, try to have someone who will take over to
give you a break even if it is to make a couple of meals. It could
make all the difference and you get no prizes for coping with the
extra demands on your own.
So
I could get some sleep and get my twins to sleep for a few hours
together at night I would wake them both at about 11 PM to change
their nappies and clothes and then settle them for bed. Normally
it would take about 1 hour to 1½ hours to get them settled
in their cot but they would sleep for a few hours together and I
would go straight to bed as soon as they were sleeping.
Even
the best of partnerships will be strained at times, try to put it
into perspective. You are both exhausted and your lives have been
changed, it will take time to adjust.
It
is easy to dislike older siblings and resent any time they demand
from you because you are so busy with the babies. It seems you have
no time for them never mind yourself. When people offer to baby-sit
try get them to watch your babies rather than your older children
and use this time to give them some attention. If they don't get
the attention they crave they will act up and misbehave to get attention,
because some attention is better than none.
Your
vacuum cleaner will become your best friend when you can't settle
your babies! If you lay them down and vacuum the carpet not only
are you catching up on housework the noise often soothes them. If
it doesn't soothe them at least the noise will have drowned them
out a bit and you will be less focused on constant crying!
Have
loads of microwavable meals in the freezer for when you come home
from hospital. You may often find that you only have 10 minutes
to cook and eat your dinner before you're back to the demands of
your little darlings.
You
will not believe the amount of washing you will have! I changed
vests once every 24 hours if possible, and used bibs as often as
possible before they found their way to the machine. When choosing
clothes think of how easily they will wash and iron. Velour is a
godsend, it washes like cotton and does not need ironed!
If
someone offers to help in any way accept it- they might not offer
again! Sometimes you are not convinced that people offering to baby
sit could cope with them, but you will never know unless you let
them try. If someone offers to take them overnight what's the worst
thing that could happen? They would maybe loose a nights sleep,
but that is nothing compared to the amount of sleep you loose. So
let people help you and prove their worth to you!
There
will be times when crying is unavoidable and it is easier to cope
with if you adopt a different way of thinking about it. A baby that
is crying is exercising their lungs! Or they are letting you know
they are alive, a crying baby is breathing! (In temper a baby wilt
hold its breath but they can't hold it for ever!) It might seem
like cold comfort but it worked for me.
The
first 6 months is physically exhausting, as they begin to start
becoming more independent by sitting up themselves, feeding themselves
their own bottle etc., they become more fun. I would say it is in
some ways easier having twins at the toddler stage than one child
because they have an inbuilt pal! They will have their fights, and
you will be emotionally drained by them at times but the rewards
are much more obvious. It does get better!
DEBBIE
& BILLY
My
advice would be that by all means have a routine but remember that
things don't always go to plan.
ALWAYS
make time for yourself. Even now when my twins are toddlers I love
nothing more than getting them settled, filling a bath and having
a long soak preferably with a box of chocs and a mag at my side!
Include
your partner as much as possible even if he's worked his socks off
and is knackered. My hubby was scared he'd do something wrong only
because I never let him to get on with it when the boys were babies.
And
lastly, even if things get really tough and you think you can't
go on, think of all the other people who have "multiples"
who are here to tell the tale! Things do get easier!!
JENNIFER
AND IAIN
When
they are small don't plan your day. If you are just getting dressed
at dinner time or getting to the shops when everyone else is leaving,
at least you have got there! But do try to get the babies into a
routine as soon as possible, you'll find everything else will fall
into place eventually.
Admitting,
"I'm not coping" was one of the hardest things for me
to do, but it was also a relief because I no longer had to pretend
everything was great. So take all the help that's offered and ask
for it if needed.
It
is hard work but listening to them laughing and playing together
is one of the most rewarding feelings I have. It makes all the hard
work worth it. There is light the end of the tunnel. Take every
day as it comes and enjoy.
Kenny
and Lyndsey
While
it is easy to want to be superhuman in the early days learn to accept
help. Arrange visits to coincide with feed times; when close friends
and family visit let them do your ironing or clean the loo if they
offer. They'll probably feel good being of help and you'll have
less to do with your limited time. On the subject of housework-
don't be too precious about it. Prioritise!
Sleep
whenever you can. There are no prizes for running yourself ragged.
I
found getting out for a walk with the pram was an excellent way
of remaining sane. The fresh air and exercise lifted my spirits
on even the most stressful of days. The motion of the pram soothed
the boys so it worked for us all.
If
like me you like the idea of long walks with the pram invest in
one with good suspension. Think about the width of your pram and
shop doorways; check that it will fit in the boot of your car and
that you can lift it without breaking your back. The weight of your
pram is important- remember you will soon be pushing two toddlers
in it.
There
were two pieces of equipment I couldn't have done without: bouncy
chairs are excellent when feeding both babies at the same time,
for early weaning, and just for moving them easily about the house.
Secondly I was bought a battery powered rocking swing and found
it invaluable- it kept one amused while I fed the other, it would
soothe them if they were upset and even rocked them to sleep. As
they got bigger it was a great toy- my two got happier the faster
it went! Look out for these swings in the classifieds.
Get
out and meet other people- find a local twins club or find out about
classes and groups for mothers. It's good to meet with people who
will understand where you're at.
Try
and go out without your babies, whether it's with friends or your
partner. It's easy to become cocooned in a world of feeds, nappies
and all things baby but you need a break now and then; so let your
hair down and be yourself and not just "mum". You'll feel
better so therefore it's good for the babies too!!!!
Without
being obsessive about it try to be organised. It really helps stress
levels if things are ready in advance. If you've got to be out early
then have clothes, bags etc. sorted the night before.
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