At the club, we agreed that expecting a multiple
birth is both scary and exciting, you want information but often
don't know many people who have had twins to ask them questions.
So with the help of members of the Twins and Triplets Club in East
Kilbride we have produced a booklet called "Twin Tales"
to be given to mothers expecting a multiple birth.
We
speak of our pregnancies, births, coping in the early days and offer
some hints and advice to help make life easier. We have also requested
for some fathers to make a few comments on how they have been affected
by the arrival of their little darlings!
It is an honest account of our experiences, and does not intend
to alarm anyone. Some literature in books can make you feel quite
inadequate because not everyone finds it easy to coping with a multiple
birth, and at times don't feel very lucky for the privilege!
For
the purpose of our website we have dissected the booklet into two
sections- "Twin Tales" and "Hints and Advice".
Pregnancy and Birth
EILEEN & WILLIAM
Pregnancy
I had fertility treatment therefore I found out I was pregnant very early on and within a couple of weeks I began to suffer from sickness. I had a scan at 6 weeks and although l knew there was a chance of multiple pregnancy it was still a shock when I found out that I was expecting more than one baby.
To be honest, for me the first 4 months were pretty awful, I was really sick, I lost a lot of weight and felt very weak and tired. At that stage I couldn’t even think about the babies. I felt so ill that I didn’t think I would get through the pregnancy. However at 16 weeks the hospital gave me some pills to curb the sickness and eventually I began to feel human again. By this time I had a bump and started getting excited at the prospect of having a baby. When I was about 6 months I started getting heartburn and one baby was lying on a nerve, which was very uncomfortable, but these were symptoms that I could cope with. I always had a fear of going into early labour and no matter how big I got or uncomfortable l was every week was a bonus. Both babies were thriving and I felt I was getting bigger by the minute so I was delighted when my consultant suggested that I get induced at 37 weeks.
Birth
I was really lucky and can honestly say that the birth of my twins was less traumatic than the pregnancy. The hospital suggested I have an epidural in case of any complications but to be honest I would have requested one anyway. I was only in labour for 8 hours, it was a long and exhausting day but both babies were born 16 minutes apart with no complications or interference by doctors although there was a team on standby who were ready to assist but I think the midwife was determined to deliver both the babies on her own. All the way through the pregnancy I had convinced myself that the babies would be taken to special care and they were, but it was only a couple of hours before I got them back again. I was exhausted and completely stunned (and still am) by the time I got to the ward. I was really lucky, I had a side room on the ward and the nurses took the babies away most nights to let me get a sleep.
The babies were 4 LB l3 OZ and 4 LB l5 OZ which are reasonable weights for twins they were doing fine although they were quite sicky babies. A few days after the birth I had to have a blood transfusion because my blood count was so low which meant staying in hospital for an extra couple of days which was really disappointing because I couldn’t wait to get my babies home.
JENNIFER AND IAIN
Hollie and Christie were born on 24th December 1996.
Pregnancy
Finding out I was expecting twins was the most terrifying experience because I already had 2 Daughters. My pregnancy went smoothly, as far as I can remember the sickness wasn’t that bad. I did however have a lot of cramp in my legs and feet, backache and swollen fingers and legs, which is common in all pregnancies.
Birth
Labour wasn’t all that bad. Having 2 children before I already knew roughly what to expect. This time my waters broke naturally at 36 weeks, my labour was too fast to have any pain relief apart from gas and air. It lasted 58 minutes from my waters breaking to the second baby being born.
I suffered from post natal depression for about 9 months. Joining the twins club certainly helped because I saw that I wasn’t the only one who felt they had no control left in every day life. But again this doesn’t happen to everyone that has a single or multiple birth.
DEBBIE & BILLY
Pregnancy
My experience of twin pregnancy is one I look back on and remember with very nice thoughts of all the care and attention I received from hospital. I remember that feeling of being a “special” person because everyone told me that “special” people are given the opportunity of carrying “multiples”. As there was no history of twins either side I believed what people said!!
PAMELA
Pregnancy
When I had my 10 week scan it was confirmed I was expecting twins, I was shocked! I never thought for a minute that it could happen to me, however when the news spread all my family and friends were all excited, but inside I was shocked and couldn’t believe I was going to have two babies.
As my pregnancy progressed I was well cared for with having frequent hospital appointments and scans. I had a really healthy pregnancy and felt great apart from really bad heartburn.
Birth
I was induced at 38 weeks and my labour itself went smoothly, baby 1 was in the right position but baby 2 was breach. Luckily enough when baby 1 was born there was room to turn baby 2 so there was no complications. I had an epidural for pain relief and would advise it to anyone as I didn’t feel a thing.
When I was handed my twins I felt really proud that it all went well It wasn't until I was in the postnatal ward it sunk in how I was going to cope with no information what so ever on multiple births, I felt I was just left to get on with it myself.
KENNY AND LYNDSEY
Pregnancy
Like a lot of people whether carrying one baby or more I suffered really badly from morning sickness (although “all day “ sickness would have been a more accurate description!) A few friends said feeling this bad maybe meant I was carrying twins. I just laughed it off. My Grandma had had twins but as my Mum wasn’t one of them I assumed my cousins would have the honour of keeping that particular family tradition going. When I had my booking in appointment the midwife said I might be further on than I’d thought, but at the following weeks scan all became clear –twins!
I have to say that Bellshill took excellent care of me, I was scanned regularly, saw the consultant at each visit and the only problem that was detected (a low platelet count) was monitored very carefully. By 17 weeks I stopped feeling sick- hurrah! For the next while I kept really well but by about 26 weeks I had little energy so I started my maternity leave as soon as possible, and took it easy for the rest of my pregnancy.
Birth
As the birth drew nearer it became obvious that a c-section was likely because Twin 1 was breech. At 38 weeks I went up to Bellshill for a scan and the usual tests, I was told to come back the following week for the section. By the time I got home that day a midwife was on the phone telling me to come back in and bring my bags. Blood tests had revealed that my platelet count had dropped again and that I was to be monitored for the next 24 hours before they decided what to do. As the count continued to drop they decided to bring the c- section forward a few days. I had been neither up nor down about the prospect of a section so this was fine, but I was told that I’d need to have a platelet transfusion, and that the section would be under a general anaesthetic which meant my husband couldn’t be in with me. As I had two beautiful boys (Lewis- 6LB 13 ½ oz and Douglas- 6LB 8 ½ oz) I know the way they came into the world shouldn’t upset me but I was devastated that neither Kenny or I would see them born, and in fact the boys were 4hours old before I remember being conscious enough to see them and it was much later before I held them. But as I said they were healthy and that’s what counts.
SANDRA & IAN BELL
Pregnancy
Our twin bundles of joy were conceived as a result of fertility treatment. We had been trying for a family for 5 years, and had to endure exhausting and emotionally very demanding monthly cycles of treatment which involved daily blood tests and injections for me, and for my poor husband, trying to aim a sample of sperm every so often, into a tiny bottle! Looking back it seems quite funny but in reality, it was one of the hardest things we’ve had to endure.
Just as we were beginning to think the treatment would never work - it did - an the fifth try! I was alone when I got the positive result, and immediately phoned hubby at work, greeting him with the words “hello Daddy”! For a full week afterwards we were shell shocked, but then we had to face the reality of the possibility of a multiple birth - which infertility treatment is famous for. So, for 7 long weeks we held our breath. During that time, I experienced the most excruciating stomach cramps and was convinced daily that I was going to miscarry. Fortunately though, I made it to the 7th week when I was scheduled to have a scan at the hospital to find out how successful the treatment had been. To my surprise and delight, twins were on the way!! (At this stage they were nothing more than tiny white blobs). Hubby’s startled response was “And did they tell you how that happened?”
Once the initial excitement subsided, other thoughts began creeping in. Ante-natal
appointments were more regular for me, than for most of the other mums, with regular scans being taken (as this was apparently the easiest way to monitor the babies development). The bump developed much quicker too, and the doctor never relented in warning me to get in touch at the slightest twinge (twins are notorious for arriving early). This would not have worried me had it not been for the fact that he started saying this as 12 weeks! The extra weight I carried soon caused me to feel weary, and I became very swollen too, but the pregnancy progressed normally.
Towards the end of the pregnancy, scans were carded out at Bellshill Maternity where better scanning equipment was available. On the second scanning at the hospital, 5 weeks before my due date, there was a problem. Until that point in time, the babies were measured at the same size and weight. Suddenly, twin 2 was quite a bit smaller. That caused me some alarm, but the doctor doing the scan just shrugged his shoulders. The next day I had an ante-natal appointment with my consultant, and relayed my fears. He was not at all happy and told me that twin 2 risked being in distress, and that there was no way I could tell if that were the case. He arranged for me to be admitted to hospital immediately for foetal monitoring. I was greatly reassured about that, and felt that not only the babies, but I was safer in knowing that when the time came, I was in the right place.
Birth
After a week in hospital, it was decided to induce labour - the babes were apparently losing nourishment. An internal examination was carried out, and 48 hours later I was in the labour ward, having already started in labour and not realised! A drip was set up to speed up the process, and I was offered an epidural, as there can often be complications with twins. This I declined because I waited so long for the moment I wanted to know what it felt like. Boy did I soon regret that decision! The mouthpiece which held the gas and air was gripped tightly, but even though it was a great experience, eventually it did nothing to help the pain. 3 hours into labour I was shouting for the epidural, but had to wait until the anaesthetist was available. When he arrived, there was some doubt as to whether I could have it due to my rising blood pressure and the fact that I was so swollen, he had difficulty finding the right spot! However, to, my relief, the procedure was carried out, and 4 more pain free hours later, at 4.50 PM, Ailie Catherine arrived Weighing 5.5 LB! Exactly 7 minutes later, and with much less effort it seemed, her sister Erin
Alexandra made her entrance into the world, weighing 4.5 LB! The babies were quickly wrapped up, given a welcoming cuddle by mum and dad, then whisked away in the incubators provided, to the special care unit, where they spent the night.
That was the part which I Personally found hardest. That first night, having just given birth, and having no babes to nurse! Next morning Ailie was allowed onto the ward, but her sister had to remain in special care until she gained another 1 LB in weight. I concentrated on the baby I had with me, trying to coax her into breast feeding, with little success. I fell a failure since other mothers on the ward were managing, and although the midwives were great, breast feeding was definitely being pushed. Meantime, my other little daughter was being bottle fed in the nursery with a special feed designed to help her gain weight. After some consideration, I decided to give up and bottle feed. Surprisingly once I’d made the decision, I didn’t feel guilty at all! The babies and I remained in hospital for a week after the birth, mainly to allow Erin to gain weight, but it was as just well really because I developed a problem. Some days after the birth, it was discovered that I had retained part of the placenta Large pieces of afterbirth came away, with little warring giving me a real fright. The evening before we were due to be discharged I was taken to theatre and given a D & C to remove any remaining pieces, and given antibiotics to take to clear up the ensuing infection.
SANDRA & DAVID
Pregnancy
The arrival of twins double our family to four children, which is something I still find hard to believe. After having a ten year gap between Dean and Cara we decided to have another “one” as soon as possible. I fell pregnant when Cara was only four and a half months and we were all delighted.
My twin pregnancy wasn’t detected until late on as it seemed to slip through the net and did not see many doctors in the early stages. Even a 12 week scan did not reveal twins and to this day I still look at my scan picture of one baby trying to spot the other one hiding. My doctor did however say I was carrying excess fat (indeed!!).
Eventually at 20 weeks all was revealed. We got a bit of a fright when the hospital phoned with bad news about my blood results and told us we were high risk for spina bifeda. I was called in for a detailed scan the following day and my first sight of the twins came when two round circles appeared on the screen. The doctor and I were delighted, but David didn’t click to begin with, until we both yelled “Its twins!”, then we all cried with relief.
It was great breaking the news to worried parents and we were in a high all month, to the run up to Christmas. Then January set in, a depressing month anyway. Along with feeling unwell and having to listen to peoples negative comments and I hit a low. I wasn’t able to care for my two children and I felt a bit of a failure. As I lay in bed everyone mucked in around me and I felt totally useless.
Birth
On my daughters 1st birthday I was at my worst. I couldn’t eat or breathe and everyone was very concerned. The doctor was coming in several times a day to give me injections to stop sickness. I was fading away to but my bump was growing! The following day the doctor said I was dehydrated and needed to be put on a drip. At this stage I was 34 weeks and they said I was too early on for them to consider a section so I was told I’d be in for a week to build up my strength. However the following day a scan showed problems with twin 2 and a a result I was sectioned that afternoon. I found the whole experience very relaxing with the twins being born minutes apart. Twin 2 had the cord round her neck, so it was lucky we were in hospital for them to detect this.
DAWN & JIM MCAULAY
Pregnancy
We had suspected twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome which was really scary. I did a bit of research (I guess like most people would do) online, but to be honest, this didn't help and just made it all 100 times worse. If you have any pregnancy problems, I wouldn't recommend online research which is fully of horror stories and misinformation, and without the medical know-how it just makes it worse.
We had an excellent consultant whom we could talk to. She wasn't supposed to be our nominated consultant, but we discovered her and so asked our GP to request a change of nominated consultant. We could really talk to her and were able to understand everything that was going on. Most of the pregnancy I had scans either once or twice a week, and we were really well looked after. If you're not happy with your care, speak to one of the midwifes quietly and find out who they would like to care for them. If you need to change consultant then do it, it's your pregnancy and your babies, so go with your gut feeling and do the best you can for them and for you.
The biggest recommendation I would make is take it one stage at a time if there's any problems - don't let your imagination turn it out of control. Make the decision to stay positive - your overall health (and blood pressure) must have an influence on how you cope.
GAYLE MACKIE
Pregnancy
Rest, rest and more rest - what else can I say. I never did this and wish I had. The last few weeks are very tiring and it may be the last chance ou get to relax for the next few months! I never really had any pregnancy symptoms as such - just a huge - and I mean HUGE bump. 5 ft 2 tall and 5 ft round!! I really enjoyed being pregnant and sometimes still miss that extraordinary feeling of having someone kick you from the inside. Funniest thing was one night in bed, lying facing my hubbies back, one of the babies gave an almighty kick and he jumps and turns round and says "Did you feel that?" - doh!!!
Birth
I had a planned Caeserian as both babies were transverse. This was actually a very positive experience. I was fully aware of what was going on throughout the operation, and one hour later, sitting up on the ward with my babies. To some it is a very clinical experience but personally I am now glad I had it this way. Recovery was relatively quick too. I was driving after 5 weeks and my scar is now virtually invisible.
KAREN AND LEE SALLIS
Pregnancy
After 3 years and one failed attempt at IUI, we were excited beyond belief to be pregnant. When I had my early scan to confirm pregnancy at 8 weeks (I think), I could hardly lie at peace when the fertility nurse said there were 2!!! Strangely enough one egg hadn’t worked and the other had split on its own to produce identical twins! Pregnancy went fine - I had nothing to compare it to so all felt normal to me. I did end up in Wishaw a few times with bleeding at 17, 20 and 21 weeks. I’ve since heard this is quite common with multiples – so don’t assume the worst if it happens to you. I work in a school and had planned to work to 32 weeks, but my midwife advised me otherwise. In the end, I had to give up at 28 weeks as I was becoming a huffing, puffing, dyslexic, waddling teacher!!!! I think the children knew it was time for me to throw in the towel too!!!
Birth
My consultant had booked me in for a natural birth at 38 weeks as I have a heart condition and he wanted to monitor the birth - but these things never go to plan! After parading round Next and Asda, not realising I was in labour, I had a natural birth at 37.5 weeks. I kept my birth plan very open as I’d been told that there were many different scenarios that could happen with twins. Luckily my twins were both head down from around 30 weeks and to be honest I don’t think they really moved around at all from then on as every time I had my fortnightly scan they were always in the same position. I think it’s sensible to go with the flow and trust the medical team. I just kept repeating “do whatever is in the best interest of the safety of the babies”. I was advised by my consultant to have an epidural which I did. I am the most feeble person ever, but I can honestly say that I didn’t feel much more than mild discomfort. On January 6th 2005, Anna came first (5lbs 3oz) and Emily half an hour later (5lbs 12oz).
Feeding
GAYLE MACKIE
All I can say about breastfeeding is don't beat yourself up about it. By all means try if you want to but don't ever feel guilty if it doesn't work. I breastfed exclusively for 12 weeks and it was very hard work. Not the actual feeding, but being solely responsible for all the feeding is hard. No-one else can take a turn for you, but on the other hand I felt it helped build a special bond between me and my babies. Always have a drink near to hand and eat plenty to keep your strength up.
KAREN AND LEE SALLIS
I didn’t breastfeed, although I totally appreciate it is the way to go these days. There are so many support groups available and breast feeding buddies. So if you’re struggling, there will be plenty people to help out.
GILLIAN AND DOUGLAS ALLAN
I attended the breastfeeding classes but was never quite sure whether it was what I felt comfortable with – especially feeding two. When it came to the crunch – 5 minutes into the recovery room after my caesarian, and I was asked how I planned to feed them, I was so shocked that they needed fed so soon, that I bailed out and opted for the bottle. It is a lot of work to sterilize and make up 16 bottles a day (at it’s peak) but once it was done (once in the morning and once at night) it was great to be able to get help from family, friends and of course their Dad in feeding the girls and I never regretted my snap decision. It meant I was less anxious about whether the babies were getting enough milk as I could see how much they took at each feed, and they did settle really quickly after their bottle so we were in a 4 hourly feeding pattern very quickly after the birth.
For the first 2 weeks I always had another helping hand at feed times, but once I was on my own I found it easier to stagger the girls’ feeds so I could spend one to one time with each during their feeds. This was also necessary as one was a sicky baby so often brought up a lot of milk when winded which would have been more stressful if I had been trying to feed both together. To manage the staggered feed I would always lift the most restless baby from their sleep to feed first before the other awoke and the girls seemed to fall into an eating/sleeping pattern which suited this, though on the odd occasion when both were demanding fed together I found lots of singing and working the bouncy chair with my foot adequate to keep one content for 20 minutes whilst I fed the other!!
From about 4 months old I fed them together sitting in their bouncy chairs and we never looked back. All credit to the mums who do breastfeed multiples – and there are many at our club who managed, but you should do whatever is best for you as a family and don’t feel guilty whatever your decision.
The Early Days
EILEEN AND WILLIAM
The prospect of looking after 2 small babies was quite frightening. My husband had time off work which was a great help. The first couple of days was pretty hectic with settling in, family and friends visiting and visits from the midwife.
I felt I had to prove I could cope and got up really early to have a bath, clean the house and have the babies changed and fed before the midwife came. The first time I was left on my own with them was really frightening - what if both started crying at the same time, how would I cope? But of course you cope - you have to. The first weeks were exciting, exhausting and a bit of a blur. The day revolved around feeding, changing, washing and making up bottles. Some days I wasn’t dressed until 3 o’clock especially when I was on my own.
Every outing was like a military operation which was organised around feeding times. Despite all the work, it is still very rewarding and especially the first 2 to 3 weeks when nothing really matters or is important apart from you and your new family.
Everyone said that when the babies sleep you should rest but I found this impossible because they either didn’t sleep at the same time or there was too much to do before the next feed. The mistake I made was trying to be too independent and not asking for help.
PAMELA
In the early days it was all round feeding and changing day and night You are exhausted not only caring for one but two babies. When the babies wake up at different times it is worse as you end up with no rest yourself.
I felt if I could feed the babies at the same time and get into some kind of routine it would make life easier. It was harder at first to feed two babies together but it was worth while especially if I was going out.
I kept saying to myself it must get easier, but you just get over one stage then another tricky one begins. I also heard myself saying “it only they would hurry up and walk” ect, life would be easier’, but looking back I was wishing their life away as they grow up too quickly.
I felt it was hard work trying it keep twins amused, especially when out shopping. I got to the stage I hated going anywhere as my twins fought like cat and dog even before they were a year old! To tell the truth I think the most stressful part of bringing them up was that every time my head was turned they would be fighting with each other.
JENNIFER AND IAN
It is not recommended but, I found it easier to feed both babies at the same time with the help of a cushion to support the bottle, then winding alternately. I tried breast feeding for 5 days and felt like a dairy cow. If you do manage to feed the babies yourself congratulations.
Housework? For the first year it was the minimal, as someone once said “you and your babies come first”.
My husband said after their first birthday to stop dressing them the same. I’m still doing it and they were born at Christmas 1996. It’s easier to pull out two things the same and its cute.
DEBBIE AND BILLY
When my “new arrivals” were delivered I remember thinking I would never cope and decided that a routine had to be a priority. Once home, I practised exactly that, and for a time it worked; unfortunately for me I couldn’t have my “routine” disrupted and got quite upset when things didn’t go as planned.
SANDRA AND IAN
Taking the babies home was a scary experience. Protected in the hospital environment, knowing there was expert help at hand was all very reassuring. Now it was suddenly all down to us!! Being so very small, and being so very hungry, the girls were wanting fed often. Every 2 hours to be exact, but not at the same time! One would be fed, changed and winded, and then it was time to deal with the next. It was a never ending cycle which continued day and night for the first 3 months. Hubby was great, and he took his turn at feeding through the night, even although he had work to contend with too, but I have to confess that there were occasions when we sat at the top of the stairs in the middle of the night crying in each other arms because we were so exhausted and felt so unable to cope!
The first 3 months felt like an eternity but things improved once weaning began. Of course, there were still the never-ending nappies to cope with, and the 3 hour long routine to go through before we successfully managed to go anywhere. Not to mention the days that the four walls containing us felt they were closing in, and at times when it was just all too much. There were shopping trips which took 3 times as long because everyone wanted to see the babies! That was a source of irritation, I remember, because my time was precious - there wasn’t enough time for pleasantries. However, if I'm perfectly honest; I was secretly bursting with pride inside!! Another source of irritation was, and still is, other peoples attitudes to twins. Some people have really strange ideas. Like those that said “Oh look at that, they’re even lying in the same position”, as if their every movement was co-ordinated!!
Looking back, the first year passed in a haze of exhaustion. Now our twins are almost 5 and soon going to school. We were often told when they were babies by other parents that it does get easier, and although there are always new things to cope with, in general I would say they are right. Coping with a multiple birth isn’t easy, and everyone’s experience is different, but there are so many precious moments come with it too. It’s a real mixed blessing!
SANDRA AND DAVID
Rachel and Leah were born on the 15th March only two days after their big sister’s 1st birthday. It was difficult in the early days dealing with 2 premature babies an a toddling baby, but in my eyes anything was better than being pregnant. As long as I felt well I knew I could cope. Don’t get me wrong I did have a lot of tears but I accept this as part & parcel of having a new arrival or arrivals, and I remember being the same with dean and Cara.
I am very fortunate to have the help of my mum and dad, who used to stay over with us 3 nights a week. They basically changed their lives to help us and we couldn’t have done it without them. As a result they are very close to the kids and this is something I treasure.
I remember feeling like a circus act when we walked through the centre with a double pram and a single pram, having to answer questions and watch peoples faces drop when we said “Yes their ours”, and “No, we are not a nursery out for a stroll”. Most people were nice however.
I am quite an organised person and this has paid off. I feel at my laziest when I’ve only got one and my routine goes out of the window, but I’ve now told myself I’m allowed this to happen, its called having a break!
One of the hardest things I’ve had to cope with is giving everyone the attention they need - The 4 children and David. I do feel a bit guilty when I think someone is being neglected, but it doesn’t seem to be doing anyone any harm. Dean has adjusted very well to having 3 little sisters after being 10 years on his own. He’s been the 3rd pair of hands we’ve needed and he’s very protective of his sisters and its nice to see how much they love him too.
Rachel and Leah are now 13 months old and very enjoyable. They are good babies as I’ve not had time to spoil them. They are taking more notice of each other now and its great to watch them roll around the floor giggling or chasing each other. (Yes, they do fight also!). We’ve definitely by the worst. Its still hard work, but full of rewards we wouldn’t change anything for the world!
KENNY AND LYNDSEY
For the first couple of weeks my Mum or my husband were there to help out but the time soon comes when you need to get into your own routine. I remember the first day on my own with the boys; they were about 10 days old. It’s hard when they both want fed or held at the same time but you find your own way of managing. If friends/ family asked to visit I always suggested they came at a feed to help and most people were delighted to do so, some even did some housework for me. I made a point of getting out for a walk with the pram every day which was the highlight of my day. The motion of the pram soothed the boys and I got fresh air and some exercise, which made me feel 100% more human.
As the weeks went by a “routine” was established and by about 10 weeks they were sleeping from 11pm to around 6am. Also at this time I started to give them their bottles at the same time by sitting them either side of me in bouncy chairs and winding them alternatively. This gave me more time between feeds so I decided to be brave and join the outside world. I joined the twins club and started an aqua natal class run by local midwives. Sometimes it was thought to get all of us ready and out the door but I can’t emphasise enough how good it was to do these things. I met people who had been where I was and people who were in the same place as me so we could share our experiences and advice. Lewis and Douglas are now 15 months and a joy! We’ve had a lot of fun with them and we really feel having twins has been a blessing.
KAREN AND LEE SALLIS
Great having Lee about to help out for a few weeks during the daytime and my parents live a mile away so helped with cooking, washing etc…. Lee and I did 3 feeds a night each and pinned a wash off whiteboard on the bedroom door to write down who we had changed, whether it was a pee or poo and who we had fed – yes I know it’s a very “teacherish” thing to do, but it really helped if we were up at different times. I loved all the visiting in the first month or so from friends and family, although I know some of my friends advised me to ignore the door and switch off the phone.
A word from the Dads
IAN
“DOUBLE THE TROUBLE, BUT TWICE THE FUN”. This is one of those “old wifie” expressions that you hear when walking through the town centre with the babies on a Sunday Afternoon. I have to admit, during the first two years I wanted to commit euthanasia on half of the elderly population of East Kilbride because of that expression. Now it is a completely different matter, when the old dears use it, I confess and join in with their joy at seeing someone else suffer, because I’ve made it through to the other side, probably a lot wiser, and definitely a lot older. All joking aside, it’s hard on everyone and don’t kid yourself that you will cope easily. If your wife is suffering from post natal depression believe me, you will too, only you won’t notice it as much. One of my experiences, which highlighted the fact that I too was suffering, was when I was getting my annual salary review, the babies were 1 year old at this time. My boss had noticed a trend in my sick leave over the 12 months previous. I had taken an inordinate amount of Mondays off work. However he was intelligent enough to have worked out that I had just spent Saturday and Sunday at home with the family and was mentally and physically shattered by the experience. This was when it finally hit home that I to was a sufferer of post natal depression. Once I was aware of it though, I began to cope in a different way because I had now got all my troubles out in the open and a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Just be prepared to drop the macho image for a while, admit that it’s not all sunshine and roses and you’ll get by a lot easier, I wish I had earlier.
BILLY
Even though it’s hard work, multiples are lots of fun (and thankfully it gets easier the older they become!!)
DAVID
My first reaction to news we were having twins was one of shear disbelief and then shock set in. A few months and a couple of scans down the line the reality finally sank in "Twins"! After having one child already the only thing I could think about was how much more work and little sleep we were going to have to cope with this time round, and for the first 6 months this was to be the case.
However twins are lovely to look at and being the proud dad pushing two babies round the shops was a nice role to fit into. “Twins” - Double trouble maybe, but double the pleasure DEFINITELY!
LEE
Can’t believe how lucky we are to have 2 at once. You just want to spend every moment you can with them. I’d gladly give up work and become a house-husband any day! It’s a great feeling when 2 smiley faces come running to welcome you home each day. I get up early with the girls on a Saturday morning to let Karen have a lie in. I love this time – just the 3 of us – special Daddy time!
Moving on from those early days
HILDA AND DAVID
As our twins get older, things get easier. When the girls were just about to turn three we had another baby girl and they were both such a help- fetching things for me and keeping the baby amused. She often asks why she can’t be a twin like her sisters.
They were lucky to get nursery places at the age of three (now it’s almost guaranteed that they will get a place at three years old.) Anyway it was great to find that things were changing as I think by that age they are ready for more than even the best of Mums can give. They both loved nursery and looked forward to going every day. After two years at Nursery, the first year an afternoon place, the second year a morning place, they were more than ready for school.
Both our girls made us feel really proud of them (as if we weren’t already) by the way they settled into school. The school gave us the choice of having them in the same class or not. We chose for them to be in the same class, because when they had been in Nursery they each liked to know the other was there, although they were in different groups.
When they started school it was really strange to go into the playground each morning and be swamped by lots of older children. They really did draw attention. They go to Canberra primary and there were lots of other twins but not so many identical.
Their Primary one teacher was really pleased when we got them different coloured earrings to wear, as was their primary two teacher. Now they are in P3 and this teacher just thinks it is lovely to have them in her class.
School is definitely something to look forward to, although we were dreading losing them they both love school. When they turned seven they started Brownies which they also love.
Sometimes you get fed up with people asking you how you tell them apart. But it’s still great having twins. They are going to be eight years old in July and they still like to be dressed alike.
The main problem we are finding at the moment is the constant knocks of boys at the door. We really thought we’d have more time before we had to worry about that. Hopefully it is just a phase.
Returning to work
GAYLE MACKIE
I returned to work after 5 months. Luckily this wasn't too difficult for me as my mum and dad were looking after the babies and I trusted them completely. I went back to work part time(3 days) and 4 years on it is still working well.
KAREN AND LEE SALLIS
I went back to work after 7 and a half months. I now work Thurs, Fri one week and Wed, Thurs, Fri the next week. It’s the perfect balance of time as I get to make some of my own money and also have 4 or 5 days in a row with the girls. It’s great for cheap breaks too as we don’t have to limit our holidays to school hols or weekends anymore!
GILLIAN AND DOUGLAS ALLAN
I had saved up my annual leave whilst pregnant so I could have a month’s holiday before I gave birth plus 12 months maternity leave – I figured that as I wasn’t likely ever to be pregnant again, I wanted to use my full entitlement – though it was tough financially towards the end of my unpaid leave.
I went back to work part time (3 days a week) when the girls were 11 months old, and though I found the first 3 months a real wrench to be away from my babies, I now enjoy my job better than ever before. It was always a job that demanded unpaid overtime, flexibility and a lot of traveling. Whilst I am fully committed to it still, my priorities have changed so I feel no guilt about sticking to my paid hours if it means getting home to my wee ones. When childcare allows, I am willing to be flexible with the days I work and it helps that my husband works for the same company – between us we can just about cover all eventualities both at work and at home. I now love some ‘adult’ time during working hours. Having a cup of tea or making a phone call in complete peace is wonderful. Eating out at lunchtime with workmates has become a real treat. And working 3 days gives us all a bit of balance and sanity.
Childcare
KAREN AND LEE SALLIS
My mum and dad look after the girls. They have wee Ikea cots and highchairs at their house, so there’s no need to trail half the house back and forward each day, which saves a lot of time in the morning. It’s the ideal situation for us financially and as I’m an only child, my parents get to spoil their only grandchildren like mad!
GILLIAN AND DOUGLAS ALLAN
It may just have been a problem in my local area, but I would advise you to contact Nurseries at an early stage in your pregnancy to guarantee multiple baby places when you need them – because many nurseries find it easier to deal with existing families in their care, they will give priority to babies who have older siblings already attending, before opening up their limited baby places to first time mums. And it can be difficult to get 2 or more baby places for the same times – I was offered separate days for my girls by one nursery which is useless if you intend to work – and that was despite going on their waiting list at 14 weeks pregnant!!
Our girls attend a wonderful private nursery 8am to 6pm on Mondays and Wednesdays and my mum looks after them on a Tuesday. The day in between is perfect for them to recover from the biz at nursery and though they do come home shattered, they settled in within a month and have loved it ever since.
Things worth looking out for when you are choosing a nursery:
What public holidays are they closed on? A lot of nurseries close on every public holiday which means if you don’t get these days off at work, you have to take them as annual leave and this can mount up. Try to find a nursery that only closes 2 days at Christmas and 2 days at New Year – they do exist and you can save annual leave for when it really matters.
Nurseries which provide all snacks and meals are a godsend – especially if they are on the government’s health promotion scheme. It is hard enough trying to get you and your babies out the door at 8am on a work day without having to make up packed lunches for them. If a nursery is aiming to attain health promotion awards they will serve up healthy well balanced meals and snacks which you children will thrive on.
If your nursery doesn’t provide meals, make sure they will heat the ones you provide if necessary – it is amazing now with health and safety gone mad, that some nurseries will refuse to reheat meals or warm milk. Fine when you have toddlers who are happy with sandwiches but in winter, cold jars of baby food are not the most appealing – believe me I’ve tried them!
Establish what routines the nursery implements – especially sleep times. If your nursery doesn’t provide regular quiet times and condusive sleeping facilities that are comfortable (ie not just in your babies’ pram) then you will have grumpy children. The nursery should always be willing to work with your babies’ own routine.
Other siblings
KAREN AND LEE SALLIS
Only ever wanted 2 children – never thought we’d have any – so 2 at once is a whopping bonus!
LYNDSEY AND KENNY HOBBS
Not long after Lewis and Douglas turned 2 we started to think it was time to have another baby. Reading that sentence back to myself I think I sound mad, but our twins had been on the whole very good babies and then toddlers. They ate, slept and behaved themselves pretty well. They were also no longer babies!! I worked out that if I fell pregnant within x months that the boys would be out the buggy, nearly at nursery and potty trained before number three arrived. Timing seemed prefect.
I fell pregnant in September 02, morning sickness quickly followed although not as severe as it had been first time round. I had a pretty good pregnancy but having two small children to run after meant I couldn’t sleep/rest the way I had with my first pregnancy and I was so tired but I rested when I could, and had Sky TV installed so the boys soon became experts on all things Cbeebies/ Nick Jr. Needs must, I’m afraid!
As I got bigger Lewis was very interested in the baby inside mummy’s tummy, Douglas didn’t show much interest but then cars were more his thing. We spoke to them a lot about it and encouraged them to take on the role of big brothers. They helped decorate the nursery, although Lewis was keen that the baby sleep with him so he could get up a give it milk during the night- if only!
We had all the arrangements in place (the most important being where the boys would go when the day came) and bang on cue; Fraser arrived on his due date. I had bought presents for Fraser to give his big brothers and they were the most important items in my hospital bag. They were so chuffed. My mum took them to the shops to choose something for their new brother. They were mildly curious about this new person but I felt they were more excited to see Mummy after being away overnight from me. I was in hospital for 4 days and they always enjoyed visits. They were made such a fuss of by everyone and got loads of presents that there wasn’t a chance for them to feel left out.
Coming home was interesting- my twins have always been so different in personality that I should’ve known they’d deal in different ways. Lewis had to be involved in everything and became my little helper, he also loved to hear all about what he did at each stage Fraser was at. With Douglas it was vital that he got his own time with his Dad or I.
I’d had a section again but time for recovery was out the window. Routine had always been vital with the twins and it was Fraser who had to fit in with them- luckily he did. He was a fantastic baby and doing everything once was so much less laborious. There were many times when everyone wanted something different at once and I simply had to prioritise. I felt as if someone was always crying or demanding. I can’t say it wasn’t stressful, but early days with a newborn baby/ dealing with lack of sleep are never going to be easy. You just deal with whatever is in front of you and get on with it.
I was definitely more confident second time round, I “knew” pretty much what I was doing which was a huge help. First time with twins had been an incredible learning curve. This time there were simply 3 little people’s needs to be met and I had to sometimes remind myself not to expect too much of Lewis and Douglas- they were only two years old after all.
The week I got home I was told the boys had full time morning places at nursery stating in September, 3 months away. Seemed like a way to go but I was just so relieved that they had places. Needless to say the months flew by and then we had the challenge of all being up and out by 8.45 am. Just another new routine to get used to and we were experts at that.
Nearly 4 years on I can’t imagine life without Fraser and he just wants to be a big boy like his big brothers. That means he’s 4 going on 6, which is an interesting combination. Sometimes they play away great and other times they squabble- typical brothers, peace and harmony would be asking too much and perhaps a little dull (did I say that????)
Starting School
LYNDSEY AND KENNY HOBBS
All too fast the time was approaching for my twin boys to start school. Having spent two happy years at the local primary school nursery there was no decision to be made as to which school they would attend.
The decision for us was whether to separate or not; luckily the school would support our wishes. I asked the nursery staff; they felt the boys were very independent of one another- had their own interests/friends and had little to do with each other within the nursery, so why not separate them now rather than later. We took this on board.
From our point of view we also felt that separating them would be best. Our twins are very different from one another in terms of personality and strengths, likes and dislikes. Personality wise, we never got the impression that they relied on each other, nor did they have a relationship where one was more dominant than the other- very strong individuals.
Obviously we had no way of knowing if there would be a gap in abilities at school but we felt as they didn’t seem to need each other emotionally then why take the risk. Many people will know how it feels to be in the shadow of sibling at school but to have that person in the same class we felt could be further detriment to one twins progress. And that was decision made, or so we thought….
We discussed this with the boys and were shocked at their reaction. For two boys who had been so independent of one another it appeared that we’d got it all wrong. They burst into tears, telling us they had to be together. We talked about this with them several times, explaining the options etc but their answer was always the same. Their feelings obviously came first, starting school was a significant enough change in their young lives without adding the trauma of separation and we went with their decision.
August came and off they went. They looked so smart in their uniforms and were so excited about starting school. The infant mistress and her staff were wonderful; they had done so much to prepare the children (and parents!!) for the first day that it went very smoothly.
The boys are in a class with job sharing teachers whom they like very much. They have made their own groups of friends, they sometimes all play together, sometimes separately- best of both worlds!
I am very aware that with twins it’s all too easy to compare. It’s hard not to, but every effort should be made by parents and school staff not to. At parents night I was confident that the teachers had both boys and their individual personalities well sussed.
They are happy and settled at school now, I can’t ask for more.
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